Theory confirmed

14 May 08 | 16:34

So I just walked into the Tower of Babil (in Final Fantasy IV for DS -- keep up with me, here) and the very first encounter was ludicrously overwhelming: Three fire critters who launched a triple salvo of powerful, all-effect fire attacks. I dragged my sad self away with most of the party dead and Cottaged everyone back to life. Subsequent forays have of course failed to live up to this initial welcoming committee -- just as in every other dungeon I've slogged through. I will be curious to hear other people's experiences with this game, so I can determine if this is a deliberate part of the game's design or just some bizarre fluke present only in my review copy.

Horrible reality update: My girlfriend was selected as one of six graduating students at her school whose work has been strong enough to merit a professional post-grad portfolio review, which generally means great things. Lucrative contracts with photo agencies, for example. For a second there I thought maybe things were going to turn around... but then as she was printing her work at the school lab yesterday, one of her classmates managed to yank her hard drive by the power cord, flinging it off the desk onto the floor. This of course completely destroyed the drive. The drive which contained her entire semester's work (and then some), which naturally she hasn't had time to back up in all the 18-hour work days leading up to finals. Even if the data ends up being recoverable, I doubt it'll be restored soon enough for her review session... and the process will cost a ridiculous amount of money, which of course we (read: I) don't have in the wake of our past few life disasters.

I've never experienced such a persistent, relentless string of modest good news being followed by infinitely worse turns of events as in the past few months. At this point I'm about one setback away from launching a serious research effort into the best-tasting brand of rat poison. I figure if I'm going to give up, I might as well enjoy a tasty demise. Mmmm, poi-son-licious.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 22 comments | §

Farewell my easytype

13 May 08 | 19:09

I'm still working my way through Final Fantasy IV -- I've made it as far as the Tower of Zot -- and I have come to a realization:



When you see a victory pose in this game, it is because you have bloody well earned it.

The original U.S. release of this game was a sort of brain-dead dumbing down of the Japanese version, but the DS remake is exactly the opposite: I would say its difficulty over the SFC original version is roughly equivalent to how much easier the U.S. Final Fantasy II was. In my first battle in Zot, the bad guys managed to kill off my fully rested and healed party in two moves. That's not two rounds -- two moves. And it wasn't the first time I've stepped into a new territory only to be wiped out within seconds. I'm starting to wonder if this game has some sort of counter that tracks whether or not you've ever been to a given dungeon or map region, and if not promptly grinds you to paste.

Seriously, though, wow. I've been on a masochistic RPG kick this year with the likes of Shiren and the Etrian Odysseys, but FFIV is making me question my will to live.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 25 comments | §

The nicest of the damned

12 May 08 | 21:01

Add to Queue | Weekly DVD Column
You know, I watched the Indiana Jones trilogy again a few weeks ago and was surprised to realize that Dr. Octopus was the conniving sherpa responsible for trying to abscond with the idol in exchange for an empty promise of the whip. Oddly enough, Spider-man and Indiana Jones is probably the one "please never let it happen" crossover that could actually work. They're both swingers, you see.

New Game + | Weekly Games Column
Another week, another milquetoast refusal to commit to any single game as pick of the week. Spineless columnists! From hell's heart, I blog at thee! Me, I'm calling it for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, if for no other reason than admiration for Square's willingness to completely deconstruct the genre that serves as their meal ticket.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 18 comments | §

GameSpite Issue 7.1: What never was, and never should have been

11 May 08 | 11:13

Now printing: The Seventh delicious issue of GameSpite. I was hoping to have a bit extra content in this first portion, but I'm pretty burnt out after the past week's ups and downs. So you only get two articles today, plus a hub page. But at least they are interesting:

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Battletoads
I tend not to think of Battletoads as a video game but rather as an exquisitely-designed Skinner box to teach kids to hate games. Every playthrough is like receiving a vicious electric shock. And clearly, contributor CynicalValkyrie agrees, because now she associates games with suffering.

The (Almost) Making of Mythri, Pt. 1
Those of you who've been around for a while may recall an American-developed RPG for Game Boy Color called Mythri which, for various reasons, never came to fruition. Now that the game's director is a big-shot pro developer, he's penned a multi-part trip down memory lane to look at what almost was. (Also features a high-tech hub page!)

posted by: | category: games, gamespite | forums | nine comments | §

Impressive... most impressive

09 May 08 | 22:52

Have you guys seen the Clone Wars trailer yet? It's amazing how lifelike the animation is. They've managed to capture the vacuous lifelessness of the prequel trilogy cast perfectly.

posted by: | category: film | forums | 21 comments | §

Shocking revelation

08 May 08 | 15:05

My parents sent me a box of random junk and toys and stuff I'd left at their place because I didn't want to be bothered with keeping track of it myself. (That's what parents are for, right? Dumping off your junk onto? Right?) I'm not really sure what to do with it all, but I did make a discovery about the Metal Gear saga that I'd never realized before:



This changes everything, guys.

posted by: | category: games | forums | fifteen comments | §

Oh, why hello there

07 May 08 | 16:10

Yes, as a matter of fact I am stuck at LAX for the next five hours. At least! That's assuming no flight delays, a very ludicrous assumption to make in this not-so-gilded age of air travel. One might wonder why I don't simply switch to an earlier flight; one might be surprised to discover that the airline on which my flight was booked has a grand total of one LAX-to-SFO flight each day. It is simply the final indignity in a trip that has been characterized by inconveniences and annoyances at every turn.

Fortunately, the core reason for my being here wasn't so bad. Oh, and I guess having dinner with Tomm Hulett wasn't so awful, either.

But really, at this point I'm almost tempted to rent a car and just drive back home -- I'd probably be there before our scheduled flight even leaves. Of course, the cost of gas would plunge me right back into poverty. No-win situations are the best.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | eleven comments | §

I am posting at you

05 May 08 | 22:44

Hey kids, I'm ducking out of my sneaking mission for a moment to bring you the latest news on how to spend your ever-more-enfeebled dollar. Because I'm just that nice.

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Add To Queue | Weekly DVD Column
Hey, Twister is out this week on Blu-ray, I see. Man, that movie sucked like only a flick about a massive low-pressure system can. The only remarkable thing about Twister is that I went to see it on a clear and sunny day, but when I left the theatre, a horrible violent storm had blown in. Yes, only divine intervention can make this movie memorable.

New Game + | Weekly Games Column
Despite the columnists' reluctance to call a clear winner this week, I have to say Boom Blox is racking up major love around the office. I haven't played more than about 30 seconds of it, but given the plaudits it's earning I figure you can't go wrong by at least renting it.

posted by: | category: film, games | forums | twelve comments | §

Where is Padme?

04 May 08 | 18:42

I know the final Vader scene of Episode III is supposed to be heartwrenching, and I know the acting and directing make it unintentionally comical. But for me, I've always been struck by how much the question "Where is Padme?" sounds like the name of a children's book.

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Episode III: Thumbnail Theatre, Part 3
"Where is Padme? Is she in disguise as a retainer? No! Where is Padme? Is she sneaking into Anakin's bed again? Not tonight! Where is Padme? Oh, there she is -- lying dead of heartbreak. Yay, you found her!" Anyway, Thumbnail Theatre complete. It was kind of fun. Maybe I'll do another of these someday.

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Meanwhile, I'm on a jet plane at this very moment (well, the moment this post goes live) on the way to L.A., where I will be mostly offline through Thursday. I've been hired to do some wetwork, you see. That means no Retronauts this week, but we'll make up for it with two back-to-back episodes. No way am I missing a chance to justifiably talk about Bionic Commando for an hour.

Edit: You kids who don't check in over the weekend should start here.

posted by: | category: film | forums | fourteen comments | §

Episode II: Attack of the "constipated expression" jokes

03 May 08 | 19:21

Episode III: Thumbnail Theatre, Part 2
And like clunky, unreliable clockwork, I have posted the second part of the Episode III Thumbnail Theatre. Now that I've knocked the rust off (and moved into the more obviously stupid portions of the movie), it's moving along at a much quicker pace and the results, I think, are quite a bit better.

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Also, I should mention that the thumbnail images are courtesy of Yakface.com. I was gonna use photos of the actors, but then I realized that using action figures was far more appropriate for a movie of this, uh, calibre. Don't get me wrong -- I enjoyed Episode III. But I'm fully aware of the fact that this enjoyment was due entirely to 25 years of marketing and franchising that has rewired my brain to be able to enjoy utter cinematic trash that exists strictly as a vehicle for selling merchandise.

posted by: | category: film | forums | thirteen comments | §

Revenge of the thumbnails

02 May 08 | 23:17

Episode III: Thumbnail Theatre, Part 1
Because you demanded it! No, seriously, you did. Hopefully this first installment will prove to have been worth it for all interested parties. I'm splitting this movie's TT into three parts rather than the usual two. I'm about five years out of practice and my poor senile mind works more effectively with smaller portions, you see.

Hopefully the remainder will go up this weekend. I have a business trip to make Sunday afternoon and will be largely away from the Internet until Thursday, and I'd like to get this all squared away before I vanish. Here is to hoping.

posted by: | category: film | forums | fifteen comments | §

Just to let you know

01 May 08 | 22:07

I am working on it right now.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | eleven comments | §

PC Engine of destruction

01 May 08 | 13:14

So... it's probably going to be mid-June or July before my soon-to-graduate girlfriend finds work and I am no longer supporting two people, in San Francisco, in the midst of a sinking economy, on a game journalist's salary. Needless to say, I am looking forward to mid-June or July! In the meantime, I think I am going to take the opportunity to cut down on some physical possessions I like but don't actually need. Stuff builds up over the years and I don't need it all. As usual, before I put things at the mercy of eBay, I'll dangle it here in case anyone who happens to read this is in better financial circumstance than I am. For now, I think I should sell off my PC Engine Duo and games.

Edit: I think I will try my luck with eBay. Thanks anyway, kids. I'll be sure to play the crap out of these before shipping so's to be able to write 'em up.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | fifteen comments | §