Shinji: I am Hideaki Anno, director of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Unit-01: I am the Neon Genesis Evangelion series.

Gendo: I am the cold, demanding, insensitive viewing public.

Unit-01: Shinji, I am your destiny. You must control me.

Shinji: No! I don't want to! Yet I must.

Gendo: Shinji, perform to my unvoiced expectations or I will dislike you. You must obey me.

Shinji: No! I don't want to! Yet I must.

Unit-01: Though you try and control me, I am frequently uncontrollable. Yet at times, I save your life. I validate your existence.

Shinji: I hate you! Yet I need you.

Gendo: Though I have little patience for failure, my faint praise for your success is the only thing you live for. I validate your existence.

Shinji: I hate you! Yet I need you.

Shinji: Does no one understand my suffering?

Rei: I am your fellow anime creators. I understand, yet I do not care.

Asuka: I am the media. I think you're full of crap, though my bluster is a façade to hide my own need for validation. You suck.

Misato: I am Gainax, the company you helped create. I am here for you, but you must do your best to succeed to help the rest of us. We're all counting on you!

Shinji: But I AM trying my best! No one appreciates me. Everything sucks. Whine whine whine.

Kaji: Shinji, let me show you another way.

- (BEGIN WACKY SEQUENCE) -

Shinji: Panties!

Asuka: Giggle!

Rei: Tee hee!

Shinji: Panties!

Misato: Yee haw!

- (END WACKY SEQUENCE) -

Shinji: You mean... if I stop making depressing, gloomy series and go back to directing things like Otaku No Video, everyone will love me?

Misato: Congratulations!

Asuka: Congratulations!

Kaji: Congratulations!

Rei: Congratulations!

Gendo: Congratulations!

Shinji: Yay! You like me!

Viewers: What the hell is this crap, anyway? I came here to see the end of Evangelion, not Hideaki Anno's public couch trip!

Shinji: I hate you! Yet I need you. Here, have some depressing Eva movies.

Viewers: ARGH!!